bull kelp grows
to maturity in one year . . .
pencil markings
of our heights still visible
against the doorframe
Honoured to have this tanka selected as joint winner of the Eucalypt Distinctive Scribblings Award, with an appraisal by Tim Dwyer:
"In this finely edited issue of Eucalypt, there are many excellent tanka. After careful reading, I narrowed my choice to three. Then I chose the tanka that most came back to my mind, and one in which I could not see anything to change. I chose the tanka by Debbie Strange.
The first line is strong, in terms of accent, rhythm and sound. As well as grounding with a vivid visual image, the kelp hints at sea scent and salty taste. The second line, with softer sounds, conveys a quiet authority, a trustworthy voice. The stated fact - growing to maturity in one year - resonates, and invites the reader to muse, enhanced by the skillful use of the ellipse. It is an unforced, light touch metaphor, that leads to a successful juxtaposition. the third line anchors the reader again with a clear image, visual and tactile with an appealing rhythm. The fourth line is an excellent example of Louise Gluck's approach - to invite not impose deep sentiment. It is a skillful and judicious use of the only personal pronoun or adjective in the tanka, and 'our' invites the reader in. The reader can participate to flesh out the image in the fifth line, perhaps picture a particular home for this doorframe, with pencil markings recalling many birthdays.
In the last line, I think the choice of the strong word 'against' rather than 'on' or 'upon' the doorframe, conveys both the tactile sense of pencil markings, but for this reader, it subtly conveys the conflict between tender reverie with the reality that those times have passed.
There is an excellent balance in this tanka of grounding (bull kelp, pencil marking, door frame) with a reflectiveness. The juxtaposition of bull kelp and pencil markings is original and stirring. The five lines work as a piece, inviting authentic tenderness with gentle loss, a lifefullness that lingers after the reading of the tanka done.
